i don't know what you've done to me, but i know this much is true; i wanna do bad things to you.

why is it that what we want and what we need never really match up? is it some kind of trick of fate; the cogs of the world turning and thinking, actually i think it would be fun to fuck up that person's life, she hasn't been a very good girl.

people say all kinds of things that they want, most of them have a whole list of things; a boyfriend, a child, a house, a pony, a Gucci handbag. but have you noticed that people don't really say what they need? what you need are basic things like; oxygen, food, water, shelter and love. and you know, all those boring things that you don't really want to waste your money on like; pencils, pens, paper, text-books and :/ tampax. (men have it so much easier.)

how come people don't really need what they really want or they don't want what they really need? why are we always trying to hit the self-destruct button, why are we always trying to muck up our situations even further? why, for fuck sake, why can't we just be happy with what we've got? as you can tell, these are pretty much rhetorical questions as no one really knows the answer to any of them; we can surmise and try to come to some conclusion, but we won't really be able to speak for everyone.

for instance; i went to the gym on monday for the first time ever, with new Converse. i thought to myself, they stay on better without socks, so i just won't wear any. i got on the treadmill, and what happened, the heel of my Cons began to scrape off the skin on my heel. but i thought, no worries, it's fine, carry on going. so i continued to go, my Cons tearing off my skin with each move of my foot. and sure as hell, when i jumped off that fancy black walker, i had a gaping whole of a blister on each heel.

so, your point, Lydia?
my point is this; even though we know it's going to hurt when we're done, we continue to amble on. we're a brave race, but we're possibly a stupid one. why do we seek something that is going to tear us apart? and quite literally with my situation. it's stupid, but i can't help it. i think i'm indestructible most of the time, like many other people my age - and it needs to stop.

does anyone have any suggestions as to why we're all so fucking stupid?
love your neglecting-you-blog-writer,
lydia♥