What have you been thinking about lately?
Basically, how I am going to spend the rest of my summer. I have six weeks off from College that I can spend doing whatever I chose to do, which really is a gift. I know I have responsibilities; a job, homework, my family and friends, but what I'd really like to do, is go for a long walk plugged into my MP3 player and just forget about everything. I know I should be thinking about the future and the fact that my AS level results will be coming out in August, but to be honest, I'd rather not let that dark cloud enter my mind.
What has been on your mind?
A lot of things; if you know me well, you know that I can jump from the most meaningless shit to the most prolific questions in life. In the past week though, I've been thinking about my body image and the meaning of this tricky thing we call life.
I'm not an unhealthy person; y'know, I eat fruit and vegetables, I have the occasional snack or whatever and I try to go to the gym. But, since my operation, I've been snacking a lot! :o So, basically, I've been consuming whatever is in reach - mainly, packets of Wotsits, French Fries and JaffaCakes. Adding to that is the fact that I hadn't been to the gym in two weeks. That's why, today I went to the gym and I tried to eat healthily. I want to lose weight, I want to tone up and above all, I want self-confidence. I will achieve it - postive thinking, dudes, it's the way forward.
What are you excited about at the moment?
The summer, dude.
I'm excited for my holiday at the end of August - we're going to Devon and it will be amazing to walk down the beach and wear my hair up. I mean, I'd like to buy a swimsuit and lie on the beach, but I wouldn't be able to go swimming so I shall wait a bit. Silly Doctors, but if it makes a difference, I'm glad.
I'm also excited for the new term; I'm taking a new class in a subject that really interests me. I'm pretty stoked for the promises I've made myself. I am going to achieve a better appearance, one that I'm happy with. I'm not doing it for anyone else, I'm not doing it because it will make me healthy in the eyes of the medical professionals - I'm doing it for myself, and I will do it. You better believe it.
When was the last time you made a difference to somebody?
I'd like to think that I make a difference to people everyday. Surely all of your actions affect people all the time - it's like the Butterfly Effect, I think. I mean, if I smile at someone, who's to say that that small gesture didn't just brighten their day and gave them something else to think about? I think, if you're just aware of your actions you affect a lot of people.
Everyone affects me, even if they don't realise it.
Who are you really happy for at the moment?
I feel happy for my friends at the minute.
A couple of my good friends are in steady and loving relationships and to see them, in their couples, is nice. It doesn't turn me into a bitter singleton, it makes me appreciate what might be to come. The little things are what you should appreciate most; isn't that what they say?
I'm happy, well should I say thankful for, the fact that everything is going smoothly for my closest friends. I do know people that are suffering at the minute, but I do believe that those things that they are finding out will have a good outcome. After all, you can't have the sweets in life without the sours.
When was the last time you felt inspired?
I usually feel a spark of inspiration every other day. Anything can start me off, whether it's a film or a television programme, or even a song. Sometimes, it can be something that I hear someone say.
But, I feel inspired today, probably because I just received an email that was particularly inspiring. I think reading other people's work is one of the things that triggers my thirst to write. For instance now, this is because I read Maleeha's blog with this form filled in.
If you could be in your dream place at the moment what would you be doing?
Probably on Barmouth beach, just wandering along with my MP3 player listening to either the Fray, Kendall Payne or Damien Rice. Perhaps I'd even walk along without anything playing, and just listen to the rough Welsh waves crash down on the soft sand. It truly is a place of utter tranquility on cool evenings - it becomes a tourist attraction when it's hot though, something I resent.
If somebody was describing your personality what would they say?
I hate these kinds of questions because I don't really know what people would say without asking them. I'd like to think that they would say I have a nice personality, but then again, I don't really like using the word, 'nice'. It's a bit mediocre. If I had to describe my own personality, my own take on it, I would probably say that I'm a deep person. I want to know things and I like to debate. I'm a caring person and a person who will listen to people's problems for hours. I'm quite hot-tempered and you'll know when I'm angry or upset, even if I deny it when you ask. If I'm upset at something and I think it's a stupid thing to be upset over, I will not tell you, no matter how much you ask. I'm a shy person but I like to talk about all sorts of things, and if you get me going, I will not shut up. I do fear people thinking I'm being stupid or petty and I don't like being wrong, but I don't think anybody does.
But most of all, I'm a loyal and trustworthy friend. I give my trust sparingly, and even though I have many friends, there's only a minor few who I trust completely. However, if you break my trust, don't ever expect to get it back; no matter how much you try.
What are you most proud of?
Myself and what I've achieved so far.
What has been tempting you lately?
I had a weird desire yesterday; it was raining and the clouds were all grey and murky, but the sun was trying to come out. The rain was hammering it down though, and I just had this urge to go out and stand in it. I was still in pyjamas and a dressing gown, I had no make-up on and my hair was a mess - but I just wanted to go sit in the rain. I think the rain gives me this feeling of clarity, you don't really need music when you have the steady beat of water thumping against your window pane.
Oh, and days of watching movies back to back.
I love the laziness of it all.
What do you love about people?
or
What do you love about (person's name)?
I think I'll talk about the first one as there are too many people I love to talk about in a blog post.
I think the strength of people is amazing.
There are some people who've been to Hell and dined with Satan, and are still on their feet, they're still going. I think that resiliance is breathtaking; the fact that people are still willing to give life another go even after they've been through something traumatic. At the other end of the scale, there are people who have battled through the worst of it and decide that they don't want to carry on. Perhaps, they end their lives and go to a better place. Some would call an act of suicide weak or selfish but I think that to have the strength to end your life is also breathtaking. You must have a lot of faith in what you believe in to jump from a building, press a gun to your temple or wrap a rope around your neck. It's not like they take this decision lightly; we're talking about lights out here, nobody will be home. I think that is strength, knowing that you choose death and not life.
I also think that hope and faith are interesting. The things that people believe in, no matter how preposterous, is pretty awe-worthy. As you know, I'm an atheist and I know that if there is a better beyond, I certainly will be denied entry. So instead of God and Heaven, I've decided to believe in people - the most screwed up species in existence - because at least then, if it all goes tits-up, I won't be disappointed.
Love,
♥Lydia.
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