it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now.

I feel like I'm drifting.
I'm freefalling and there's only air around me.
I want to reach out, I want to grab onto something but I can't.
I want for someone to tell me that it'll be okay, that I can do this. That it'll all be worth it.
I've lost all motivation.
I think I'm at a crisis point.

The thing is, I've always been that girl who everyone expects too much of. It's difficult to keep it together and to keep on the right track when there's so much that you need to fulfill.

My mind is full and the only way I can get rid of everything that's swimming around is to write it down. I'm just confused. Everything's hazy and I'm stuck, stranded on a sea of what ifs. I hate this uncertainty. I hate not knowing where I am with people, I hate not knowing how people perceive me and what they want from me.

I can't be everything for everybody.

I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction.

I care too much for people.
I can't say no.
They are both character flaws. And these are things that people admire or take advantage of. I don't want to be the doormat. I want to know if the people that I care about, care about me. I want to know if when you say you love me, you really do love me.

I need this clarity.

Because if you don't care, then fuck off and stop pretending that you do. It's not helping.

♥Lydia.