just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me.

so, i'm stuck in a writer's rut.
and that is very bad when all you do is write. i have no inspiration at the moment, and i need to do/watch/read/hear something to give me that instant spark where my mind just runs wild. i think that stint of poetry and 'fire in the blood' has worn me out.

i can't believe it's saturday night already, and i feel like the week has been wasted because of the snow. generally, i wouldn't really complain about having days off, but as i said, i'm stuck in a rut and i feel so drained at the moment. i need to shop! i need to go shopping and feel good about myself, because i haven't been shopping in like, weeks! it's seriously damaging for a girl, you know?

i only went into college on monday, for one lesson, wednesday and friday for the whole day. it's pathetic, just a little bit of snow and it sends britain into chaos. so, in english there were about ten of us in, psychology, three people turned up including me, history there were four and media there were about ten of us. usually, i can concentrate better with less people but our teachers didn't want to do anything new or whatever, because they knew they'd just have to repeat it all again. so what was the friggin' point in coming in anyway? why not shut the whole college, because let's face it, not many people are going to come in on a friday, the last day of the week!

in english, we did nothing except talk about coursework ideas; which i have no idea what i'm going to do. stuck in rut, for fuck sake! then, psychology, all we did was watch derren brown: the heist on a like, 42" tv, i think it might have actually been bigger than that! history, we answered questions! boringgg, so me and my friend just started giggling about everything in whispers. and the teacher and the dudes were like, whut? and i actually felt quite calm in the lesson, i think it was because not many people were there. but he was; however, i managed to keep my cool. i don't know why, maybe i'm just dealing now. media was boring! like even worse than history, because i did nothing. literally, i felt like just getting up and leaving. it was that bad.

i watched this documentary earlier about incest, and how when a family is broken apart at a young age, when they are reunited like years into the future, family members can start to harbour sexual feelings towards another family member. there's even a proper term for it, it's called genetic sexual... something. but it's real. i mean, if you can't help who you fall in love with, i suppose it's understandable that you might become confused when reunited with a member of your family. having no other way to show that love that you have for them, it starts to turn to a sexual love. so why, if we all know 'you can't help who you fall in love with', why do they get prosecuted and sent to jail? after all, aren't they just broken people who need some help to get 'fixed'?

love your bored-humanitarianist-blog-writer,
lydiaaaa
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