:(

i am so fed up.
i can't be bothered with anything anymore.

i feel like no one gives a shit about me anymore; not even my mum can take the time to listen to me, without saying that i'm annoying her or i'm being ridiculous.
if you can't talk to your mother, who are you meant to talk to? i used to be able to tell her anything, and she'd listen for ages and give me advice; now, she just can't be bothered. and if i get angry at her, she puts her foul mood down to her job.

i resent her boss and all the people she works with, i even resent her whole career. i resent the fact that my dad lost his job and that we had to move house, and that we ended up here and that my mum moved workplaces.

i listen to anything she's got to say; and i don't call her ridiculous or annoying when she genuinely is upset about something. she thinks that her life is stressful and that my life is easy; sometimes i wish things like Freaky Friday happened just so that she could see that picking a future is hard. i've got to pick a university and a course, and essentially career.

i've got to think of how i'm going to finance it and how i'm even going to get into the university i want to. my results come out in august and i'm so worried that i won't have done as well as i need or want to. and i can't talk to my own mother about it, because she'd think i'm being ridiculous or annoying.

i decided i wanted to learn to drive tonight, and me and my dad started looking for cars. and we looked at all the possibilities, from the slightly too expensive right down to the dirt cheap. and then my mum's like, what do you need a car for? how are you going to finance that? you don't even have a proper job yet. it's all just too expensive, we don't have the money to do that... etc. so basically what has she done, taken all my inspiration and all my motivation and all my fucking positivity and snuffed it out in a couple of sentences.

for fuck sake, is this all my life is going to be?
because if it is, it's fucking shit.

:(