i'm just trying'na be happy.

So it's the 1st of December and I haven't posted on here since July.
Well, fuck that's a long time.

Y'know when you know something and it's eating you up inside but you can't tell someone, you can't say it outloud because then it'll be real. Then, it will be the truth and unfalsifible. You won't be able to claw back those words and rewind time to the before, the before you had said it.

Sometimes you need to tell people things and you need to talk about things with someone, just one person at least but maybe, you don't even know how to say it. What about those times when you're not sure that you even can say it? What if it all becomes too much and you struggle on your words, and you feel your face do that thing just before you're about to cry? What if you do cry - infront of people - and you feel embarrassed and pathetic about it?

Or if you try to be strong and stop crying, and that just makes you even worse?

And that - that's why I hate Christmas.
:'(