You know how they say, 'Friends are the family you pick for yourself'?
It's meant to be all about choice and picking the people who you think will compliment you (not in the 'Ooh, I like your dress' way, I mean in the matching your personality traits and meshing with the person you are) and support you.
In theory, this sounds like a nice idea. And to a certain extent, I think you do pick who you want to be friends with. But the theory falls flat as soon as you meet your newfound friend friend's. They are forced upon you and because you like this new friend, you have to pretend to like their friends. You can't tell your new friend who you really feel about their friends because you don't want to upset them, and you certainly can't tell your friend's friends what you really think of them because you can't be sure whether your new friend will kick you to the curb for their old friends.
It really is a mine field and it's difficult to maneouvre within without stepping on a bomb and blowing your leg off.
What I ask is when do your new friend's friends become yours too? And when can you successfully cut the cord from them, secure in the knowledge that your new friend won't leave you? Because frankly, you like your new friend. You have lots in common, you have the same sense of humour and your personalities compliment each other. You'd like nothing more than to tell their friends to fuck off and leave you alone. But you can't!
And that's the problem with groups. It seems to me that there is always someone within that group who you can't stand. Always one! There might be another that gets on your nerves from time to time but you can put up with it because eventually, they have become your friend too. But like I said, there's always one.
Speaking from experience, I know that you can get so annoyed and frustrated and alienated against this 'friend' that you wouldn't care if they were kicked out of the group. You wouldn't miss them because every time you see them you feel angry with them. Hey, perhaps it isn't even their fault! Yeah, maybe it's your problem, our problem, my problem. Except, I know it isn't.
There isn't anything that that person could do to make you like them. They could buy you a Tiffany necklace with matching earrings and still it wouldn't please you. They could buy you a house just for you. They could buy you the cutest puppy ever to exist. They could bake you the most delicious cookies ever tasted by man, and yet you would still like them to 'poof' to Timbuktu. And this is why: You dislike them. It's an emotion. This is something that you feel, it's built into you to a certain extent. You can't erase that feeling. No amount of material things are going to erase this unpleasant anger or distaste radiating through your body.
And your point is what exactly? You hate them blah blah blah. You can't do anything about it blah blah blah. You haven't got the guts to tell them blah blah blah.
EXACTLY. That is exactly my point. How do you tell someone within your group that you don't like them? Surely you can't ignore them, because they're going to be there every day within your group. You could tell them, I suppose, but that would lead to an arguement and possibly cause them unneccessary pain and upset. I mean yes, you can't please everyone and you can't expect everyone to like you and care for you, but does that mean that you want to know it? I can't think of anyone who would want to hear, 'I really don't like you'. The statement might not be made in a malicious or spiteful manner, but it still doesn't sound like a nice sentence to hear.
So, you don't tell the person that you dislike them. You just act as normal.
You be civil. You be nice.
You don't have to get involved. You can exclude yourself from their gatherings and slowly separate yourself from them.
Then from a distance... you start to realise that perhaps they weren't so bad after all. And you feel like the biggest bitch to have graced the planet.
Except, when you do start speaking to them again, you begin the process
All over
AGAIN.
♥Lydia.
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