'cause i ain't no hollaback girl.

Musings:

I think everyone has a person/acquaintance/friend in their life who only pays attention to you when they want something, or they think that you can benefit them. Those people are called users, and it's one of the most frustrating and hurtful character traits a person can have. Along with, I suppose, promising to do things and never actually following through. (However, there are exceptions to the rule: Perhaps, they're very busy or they just need a little nag/push in order for them to get on with it.)

At some point in my life, I have felt like I've done that to a person. Only recently actually.
You find yourself alone at college, and you see someone that you only mildly know and you tag along with them. However, when my friends do appear, I try to keep the person I tagged along with involved. But I don't just ask things of people or borrow things out of the blue when I haven't spoken to them in ages. It's rude and it appears like you're only in the friendship for what you can get.

I have known various people like that in my life. People that, at one point or another, I genuinely thought were my good friends. Except, as you get older, or the further you move away/develop as a person, you begin to realise how many times those people have taken advantage and it pisses you off. It hurts because when you regard those people as good friends, and you then see the light, you have to decide whether to cut them off as your friend.

It's never good to end friendships. It's painful and feels unnecessary but then, you shouldn't have to feel used all the time. People should want to be your friend because they want to be, not because of all the things you have or how useful your popularity is to them. After all, those people aren't going to be there when you need things yourself - not material things, but support and help - and they're usually not in it for the long haul.

I suppose I'm quite vulnerable to this as I try to see the good in people. I have been walked over a few times and I still find it incredibly hard to judge people's characters. Yet, after two years of college and being away from one of my best friends, I feel that I know who I can trust and who I actually want to be in my life. Still, it's going to be painful letting go of those people who aren't 'good' for me as a person - as an emotional, vulnerable human being who needs support, encouragement and true friendship. I'm not saying break all ties; there's no reason that you can't be civil. But the bottom line is that people change, people's needs change and there's not a lot you can do to change your opinion of someone when it's been mapped out.

♥ Lydia.