I don't think I'll ever be able to write a complete novel.

Although I love to write, I don't think I have the time, patience or commitment to finish a beautiful and proud novel. I often have ideas upon the spur of the moment and I can't stop my hand from scribbling down everything from my mind.

I create these three dimensional characters with realistic strengths and weaknesses, and in my mind they come alive. I can picture them, I know what they would say and what they wouldn't. I have a firm grasp of their idiolect and I know what they will add to the novel, what part they will play. I write out paragraphs of them monologuing in particular scenarios, and I build up pages of information about them.

However, when it comes to them writing them into the novel, I fall flat on my face. I have the plot, the turns and the twists in the story, and I know the ending. I sit down with my notebook or my laptop and I begin, it gets so far and then I get distracted. I try again later that day, week or month, but it usually does not get further than three chapters. I jump chapters and begin to write the middle of the story and get distracted again. I get ahead of myself, my mind is constantly working on the 'what if', 'how about' and 'when can this bit happen'.

I find that all of the above factor into my everyday life as well. I'm a constant dreamer. I don't make what I want a reality and I'm afraid that all these ambitions I have will not happen. I want to get in a time machine and jump ahead a couple of chapters and find out what twenty year old Lydia is doing, or where thirty year old Lydia is living or how forty year old Lydia is looking. I'm not a person of the present. I'm constantly wanting what the next day will bring, and I'm constantly thinking of the hypothetical.

I'm flawed, what can I say?
And I really want to write a book.

♥Lydia.