i love this song, 'Better' by Tom Baxter.
i heard it on 'Run Fatboy Run' today, it's such a lovely song and as soon as i turned on the internet i was searching for it on youtube (:
i am also so in love with kendall payne at the moment, she has the most amazingly beautiful voice i think i have heard in a long time.
as i write this i'm quite pissed off, and almost tearing up.
i can't deal with my life at the moment, it's so monotonous and i wish i could just get out. it's like a cage, and i'm just so bored with it. i need something to happen, anything to happen, just something.
my mum doesn't get me anymore, and she is the only one that i ever used to tell anything to. me and my sister had an arguement earlier, and we said things that aren't easily forgotten. so she puts the guilt trip on us, saying how she can't even speak to her sister anymore and that she never will be able to again.
but she forgets, fails to mention that she and her sister didn't speak for months after a stupid arguement. but i don't remind her of this because it would upset her, and i hate seeing my mum upset, and i hate her being upset/disappointed with me. it's the worst feeling in the world to know that you have disappointed your mother, you can try to hide it, but it cuts you to the core. she wants me to get on with my sister, telling me that i should learn by her mistakes.
but, i can't learn from something that hasn't affected me personally, she has to live with her mistake, but i don't. i don't feel guilty anymore. i have to make my own mistakes, your mistakes are what shape you, and they shape you because they affect you.
mistakes are life-changing.
even the itsy bitsy ones, they all shape you. we'll all infected with wounds and i don't think they ever heal. they lie barren for a while, but the smallest thing can reopen them and they hurt even more. time can't heal all wounds, because wounds don't heal.
love,
lydia
xxxxxxxxxxx
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